WhO aM i?

salam 2013 semua.. harap semua nya baik2 saja.. :)

tahun baru..niat yang baru..aim yang baru..

tapi,

dua tiga hari ni..aku terasa macam aku tak kenal siapa diri aku yang sebenarnya.

apa kemahuan aku sebenarnya?

entah kenapa, recently..aku terasa aku hidup dalam kepasrahan..pasrah tentang apa yang dah jadi sebelum2 ni..terlalu banyak sangat memendam perasaan..sampai kan..aku rasa kosong sangat.

lagi2 pasal kawan aku sorang tu..aku tau aku takkan suka dia da..aku tahu dalam hati dia, dia masih mengharapkan cinta lama dia. masih gigih mencuba dan mencuba..

dan setiap kali kitorang jumpa..she'll be the first topic to talk about.. even though i never ask for it.

entah la..sebelum jumpa dia malam tu..my heart raced..aku tak tahu apa yang aku takutkan sangat..apa yang aku segankan sangat. kenapa aku tak bley rasa kehadiran dia macam kawan2 aku yang lain. aku menggelabah..tak boleh duduk diam..tak boleh tahan untuk tak senyum..aku tak tahu kenapa aku happy sangat.

bila dengan dia..only he will do the talking..since he have a lot of things to talk too.. and when he talks about his ex-girl..how he's still asking her to get back to him..the moment his said that..entah..aku tak rasa apa2..because i know that would happen..nothing new to surprise me i guess.

walaupun dia tahu that girl taknak dah dekat dia..he's still setia menanti..and aku yang kat sebelah dia ni..masih setia mendengar. cuba memahami perasaan dia. at the same time, try to snap him back to reality. i know it's really hard for him to do that. but still, as long as he's satisfied with what he is doing..as long as he know what he really want..then, i'll just let him be. setia mendengar..setia disisi..

dan, sejak dari jumpa dia malam tu..(jumpa pun sebab kes minta tolong hantar balik rumah..alang2 dah satu taman..emergency habis dah tu..last resort..he's a good friend though..he really is a good friend..) i keep on smiling and i dont know why am i so happy about it.

why am i like this..aku tahu aku dah tak sayangkan dia dah....i know that he's not meant for me..but, why am i so happy about it..why does my heart raced like that...what i really want from him? who is he to me? and, who am i to him actually? and..who have the answer to all my question..? sigh~

help me...